


Out of the Woods

by AniRay



Category: Queen of the South (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-25 03:05:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16653100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AniRay/pseuds/AniRay
Summary: Looking at it now...It all seemed so simple. James and Teresa, Teresa and James. TogetherOr: AU Oneshot- A look into James and Teresa's life to the song Out of the Woods by Taylor Swift





	Out of the Woods

S1:

His hands were around her waist as he walked her to the living room. They had been making dinner- well _he_ had been making dinner. She had been burning things. The sound of his laughter had caught her by surprise and her eyes had locked onto his face before she could think about it. His expression was so open and light. His lips curved up into that smile she loved that no one ever got to see. He didn’t look on edge- there was no threat for him to worry about. She liked him this way.

He had turned her around and gently pushed her to sit on the sofa, laughing at the shriek that had escaped her.

“Stay here, where you can’t destroy my house.” The smile on his face and the laughter in his voice kept her from being embarrassed even while she sent a mock frown his way. He just chuckled and bent down to leave a quick kiss on her lips. She loved this side of him- the playful, easy side. Sometimes Teresa didn’t understand why it had taken them so long to get to this point.

Looking at it now, it all seemed so simple...

-

The food had been delicious, as usual, and the dishes were clean. She and James were back in the living room. They were lying on the couch watching La Misma Luna. It was one of her favorite movies and James had agreed to watch it with her. His legs were stretched out along the couch on either side of hers and she was leaning on his chest. His arms were wrapped around her as if she would slip away if he let go. It was sweet, the way he let himself be soft for her. She didn’t have to wonder if he cared because everything he did showed her just how much he did.

His lips pressed a kiss to the skin behind her ear and she felt her breath catch in her throat. “James…” a warning note in her voice. But he just let out a soft hum before moving down the column of her throat. “I can’t concentrate when you do that.” She felt his lips curve up into a smile before he nipped at the juncture where neck became shoulder.

One of his hands took hold of hers, intertwining their fingers. The other slipped beneath the sweater she was wearing- his sweater- to rest low on her stomach. “I can stop.” His voice had taken on that rough, gravelly quality that made her heart race. He started to pull his hands away.

She stopped him.

They missed the rest of the movie.

 

S2:

She had started to sort her memories as _‘Before James’_ and _‘After James’_. It hadn’t been intentional- she hadn’t even realized she was doing it at first. But then one day Pote had asked her about a scar she had and that’s how she answered him- ‘It was before James’. He had looked at her strangely, but she hadn’t let herself think about it at the time. It didn’t _mean_ anything- not really. Until she began to notice that James’ arrival wasn’t just a point of reference in the timeline of her memories. The memories were different.

Her childhood- so much of it was filled with color. But in her memories it was black and white and shades of grey. There was a bleakness surrounding those memories- even the happiest ones. Laughing with her father and mother, running in the front yard chasing after her friends, watching fireworks on the neighbor’s roof. All of it was a sad grey that no color could permeate. She never let herself think of after her parents were gone. They had lost their color years ago.

Then there was Guero. There was Brenda and Chino and Tony- her life before Camila. It didn’t have the same lack of color as her childhood. No, Guero was like an old photo. The colors dull from age and exposure. There was a faded quality- a distortion to the memories from that time in her life. But she could remember how vibrant each moment had felt to her at the time. She could still feel her heart pounding in her chest the first time she and Guero danced. She remembered the joy when Brenda made her Tony’s godmother. She remembered the paralyzing pain when she got the call that Guero was dead. But the pictures in her mind didn’t show any of that life. And each time she revisited a memory it was more faded than before.

She could still remember every single color in Camila’s warehouse. She could see the bright red of her blood and the slate gray of the concrete floors. She could remember the lush green of the trees they had passed on the way to the airport. Everything from the moment James walked into her cell was in bright, blinding, glorious color. Things that had seemed so dull to her in the moment had new life in her mind. Sometimes it was wonderful, the way every detail became more to her. Then there were the other memories, the ones she wished she could relegate to greyscale, sepia, black and white. But never her memories of James. Those she always wanted to stay vivid- vibrant. Their first kiss, the way he held her after Brenda died. Every touch, every look, even the words seemed to have a color associated with them.

The rest of the world was black and white. But with James…They were in _screaming_ color.

S3

Teresa couldn’t count the number of times she had wondered when things would get better. How many times she had asked herself, ‘Are we out of the woods yet?’ Trapped in Camila’s world, running from Epifanio, worried about Brenda and Tony- she just wanted to be able to breathe easier. And for the first time in too long she felt like maybe she could get that.

_‘The maid’s dead.’_

He had lied for her. He had _protected_ her. Teresa had known that helping the maid get away was risking her life. She knew that James would be the one Camila sent to handle her. But she had never thought he would defy his boss, go against every rule in the cartel to protect her.

The ride back to the warehouse was quiet, but Teresa knew that something had changed for them. They didn’t have to say anything- there was nothing they _could_ say. But it was different. And she couldn’t help but wonder if this change was permanent. If maybe she could let him in a little bit, trust him more than she already did.

“Look, I get it. You didn’t choose this life, you wanna hold on to every piece of your humanity. I know what that’s like. But this world isn’t going to let you. One day you’re gonna have to accept that.”

It should have sounded like a lecture, like he was patronizing her. But she could hear the truth. He really did understand. And maybe all of this cool aloofness he showed wasn’t because he didn’t care. Maybe it was his way of protecting her.

S4

It had hurt. It shouldn’t have, but it did- it hurt. Watching him step onto that bus. Staring down the barrel of his gun. No matter what had gone down between them, she never would have thought she would ever be on the opposite side of him. Then she was lifting her own weapon, making him her target. It broke something that she hadn’t even known existed inside of her.

But she pushed that pain down.

He had used her. He had tricked her. He had put Tony at risk. She could have forgiven everything else- she had no doubts about that. She could forgive him taking the money for El Santo, trying to turn Camila against her- even breaking his promise not to be the one coming after her. But she couldn’t forgive the tracker. She had opened up to him, trusted him, and he had used the one thing she held sacred against her.

And it should have been obvious. In this life- in this world- they never stood a chance, not really.

They were built to fall apart.

-

He was here.

In Malta.

He had burst onto the scene saving her life like nothing had changed between them. She couldn’t believe her eyes when he had thrown that car door open yelling for her to get in. It was like a dream and her worst nightmare rolled into one. Leaving him in Dallas had been so easy. She had let all of her anger and hurt cover up the fact that she missed having him by her side. Then she had been so focused on getting set up in Europe she barely had time to sleep let alone think about James.

But now he was here- had been here for a few days- and things weren’t as different as she thought. There was still no one else she’d rather have with her during a fight. She still knew what he was thinking with just a glance. She still felt that pull to trust him.

But there were some new things too. Like the way his eyes lingered on her longer than necessary. Like the way her heart beat just that much faster when his hand would rest on the small of her back as they walked somewhere. Like the way she found herself watching the way he seemed to disappear into himself at times and wanting to know where in his mind he went.

She had thought they were destined to destroy each other, and maybe they were.

Maybe they were built to fall apart…And fall back together.

S5

They had been together for two years. Sometimes she couldn’t believe it. After everything they had to go through to stay alive, romance was the last thing either of them expected. But she wouldn’t change one moment. She was happy, a happy that she hadn’t known she could feel again after Guero.

The day had been so nice- simple and sweet just like the man she spent it with. Pote and the rest of the men had taken off the night before (she had a feeling James had something to do with it) and so she and James had the whole day to themselves. No distractions, no work, just them. James had made breakfast for them, and she had fixed lunch. They went to a movie- something they rarely had time to do. She loved every minute of it.

But her favorite part of the day was after dinner. They had just gotten back from the restaurant and she was walking upstairs to her room. She usually slept in his, but it was still nice to have her own space. His arm wrapping around her waist stopped her and she smiled when she felt him leave a kiss to her bare shoulder.  

They had done quite a few _other_ things that day as well.

Her smile faded as he pulled away, brow crinkling in confusion when she felt something cold and metallic settling along her collar bones. She turned on the step to face him, a confused smile playing on her lips. Whatever it was he was still holding part of it in his one hand. But he just shook his head and nodded towards her room. Tamping down the side of her that wanted answers she climbed backwards up the steps, knowing James wouldn’t let her fall.

They passed her closet and her bed and stood in front of her mirror. Her back was to it, so James turned her around, letting his free hand rest on her hip. The other moved from where it had been hovering between her shoulder blades to settle at her collar bones. She watched him through the mirror taking in the shy way he was avoiding her eyes, the way his thumb was brushing along the line of her clavicles.

“James….”

His eyes met hers in the mirror and she felt tears welling at how much love was staring back at her. He let go of what he had been holding and let his hand fall to her waist. She held his gaze for another moment. Two. Then she looked down.

“I never knew what to do with them after I left the service. It felt like it would be wrong to throw them away- so much happened to me while I was wearing them.” Her hand came up to caress his cheek as he spoke. It seemed to steady him, bring his focus back when he got caught in the memories. He turned slightly and pressed a kiss to her palm before continuing. “So I tossed ‘em in a box in my closet and didn’t think about ‘em again.” His grip on her hips tightened unconsciously and she let her weight rest on him a little bit. “Will you hold on to them for me?”

She knew what this meant to him- knew what he was trying to convey even if he couldn’t find the words. It was his past and he was entrusting it to her. It was the best and worst of him and he was laying it in her hands. The tears that had been fighting to flow finally did.

Her free hand came up to grasp his dog-tags. She knew that no matter what she would cherish this moment and this gift, always. She turned away from the mirror to face him properly, letting the hand that had been caressing his face rest on his chest over his heart. She could feel it pounding, which was further proof of how much this meant to him. Teresa gave him a watery smile, letting everything she felt for him shine through her eyes.

“I would be honored to.” Then she stood on tiptoe and pressed her lips to his. It was slow and sweet and so, so full of love that her heart ached a little. She pulled back slowly, still close, still breathing the same air. “I love you, James Valdez.” He didn’t say it back, but he didn’t have to.

She felt it.

She knew.

-

They had both changed into more comfortable clothes, heading downstairs for a drink. His dog-tags were tucked inside her shirt, a warm weight on her chest. The glass of wine she had been drinking from was empty now and she could feel James’ eyes on her. Teresa wanted this night to last forever, but since it couldn’t she was going to make the most of their time alone.

Standing up she moved to the loveseat and pushed it up against the wall. James watched in confusion as she did the same thing for the coffee tables and chairs. When she got to the big sofa, he hopped up to help her.

“What are you doing, exactly?” he said, as she moved to the other side of the room. Teresa did a quick search through her Spotify before connecting her phone to the room’s entertainment system. _Yo Vivo Para Ti_ by Carla Morrison started playing over the speakers and Teresa closed her eyes, letting herself move to the soft music. She could feel the weight of James’ gaze on her as she moved. But she didn’t look at him, she kept her eyes closed waiting to see what he would do.

His hand wrapped around her from behind pulling her back flush against his chest. She had never seen him dance before- didn’t even know if he knew how. But she wasn’t surprised that he could. His body moved with hers, and suddenly it was too much- the music, the emotion, the feel of his body against hers. He spun her around gently so they were face to face, never missing a step. “James?” His eyes met hers and her breath caught in her throat. She didn’t have to say anything. He felt it too. The song ended and another came on. They danced to that one, too- and the one after it- and the one after that.

Then he carried her upstairs and worshipped her body to a different rhythm.

Sometimes when she remembered that night she wondered if she should have known then, if fate had been too generous for it to last.

S6

She stood in her bedroom, staring down at the money and video game James had left for Tony. It was more than she expected, more kindness than she knew what to do with. No one had ever done something like this for her before, not even Guero. And there was so much at stake with this gift. If Camila found out, James would lose his position, maybe his life. And there was no telling what Camila would do if she found out about Tony.

But even with the risks, James had done this for her. Her mind went back to the words he had said to her earlier. They had felt like friendship- more than friendship. They had felt like something new and bright and terrifying,

_‘We’re in this together.’_

Then he had shown up in her room. And she couldn’t help but smile thinking of how soft he had been in that moment. There was innocence- a boyishness- that she had never seen before. She liked it. They had never had the chance to be more than just two people locked in this world together. For the first time she felt like maybe they could be more than that- mean more to each other than that. The trust was already there, the understanding. She knew he was there for her and she was there for him, too.

 She wondered if they were in the clear, yet.

_‘We’re in this together.’_

She had a feeling that maybe they finally might be.

S7

He hit the brakes too soon.

They would get through the blockade but just barely. But she could already see the wall behind the blockade. It would be tough- going fast enough to get through the blockade and braking in time to avoid crashing into the wall. But she trusted James, if anyone could do it he could. Besides today was their four year anniversary- she felt like the universe owed them this.

Except someone took a shot at them. She saw the bullet rip through his shoulder. The shock made him brake- too soon, too hard. They spun out. He tried to adjust, tried to get them back under control. But he could only use one arm, and the wheel had locked up, they were still going too fast. 

She didn’t even have time to scream before they hit the wall.

Before everything went black.

-

The beeping woke her up.

She didn’t take long to remember what happened. It was the first thing that came to her mind. Being chased, shots coming from every side, the blockade, the wall- she remembered everything. She opened her eyes and tried to sit up-ignoring the pain she felt everywhere. She needed to see James. His side had hit the wall. She didn’t know what damage that crash had done to him, but she needed to know.

She was pulling out her IV line when the nurse came in. And then it was a different pain, a different struggle. Because she wasn’t staying in that bed, no matter what that nurse kept trying to tell her. Her voice was hoarse and she knew that she probably looked deranged but she didn’t care. She needed to see him- she needed to know he was alright.

“Ms. Mendoza, I understand you’re worried, but if you’ll just get back into the bed I can go find out some information for you.” Teresa knew the woman was just trying to do her job, knew she wasn’t keeping her from James maliciously. But it still felt like it. It felt like things were worse than they thought she could handle. If felt like someone was going to come in at any moment and tell her he hadn’t made it. And if she sat there and let them, it would be her fault. It would be her fault she hadn’t been with him, fought for him. She couldn’t let that happen.

So she fought harder. Until the nurse called for help. Until she heard a doctor say something about a sedative. Until she heard Pote’s voice at the door.  She could barely understand what he was saying over the other voices but she heard enough.

“Teresita, he’s gonna be okay.”

She stopped fighting.

-

She had Pote pay them to let her and James share a room.

She had stopped counting the hours a while ago. Now she was just lying in their empty room. Waiting for him to get out of surgery. She knew it would be a while before he came back from recovery, but she wanted to be here. She wanted the first person he saw to be her. If the roles were reversed that’s what he would have wanted too.

The door opened and she ignored it- figured it was just another nurse checking on her. She didn’t care about herself right now, but she let them do what they wanted. Except this time she heard a heart monitor and wheels rolling along the floor. She had her eyes on him in less than a second.

He had cuts and bandages along his face and neck- probably from the windows shattering. His shoulder was bandaged tight where the bullet had gone through. She couldn’t see any more than that because he was covered by blankets, but she would look him over as soon as these people left.

Her eyes went back to his face, taking in the sight of him- something she had been so afraid she wouldn’t be able to do again. After what felt like hours, but was probably only minutes, the nurses filed out of the room. Teresa slowly, carefully, got up from her bed and moved to the chair that was next to his bed. She pulled it as close to him as she could get it and sat down.

Her hand slid into his, and she bit her lips to keep from crying at how cold he felt. She slid her hand up so her fingers found his pulse. She could see his heart beating on the monitor, but it wasn’t the same, she needed to feel the life in him. She was so lost in counting his pulse that she didn’t notice right away that he had woken up. Not until he turned his hand so their palms were pressed together.

“I’m sorry, Teresa.”

Her heart leapt into her throat at the sound of his voice, and her eyes flew to his, breath leaving her in a rush at the sight of his beautiful brown eyes staring back at her. She almost didn’t register his words. But they slowly filtered into her brain, leaving her confused. She cleared her throat, reaching up with her free hand to brush his curls out of his eyes. “Why are you sorry?”

He lifted their joined hands and brushed his fingers along her cheek. “I’m sorry I hurt you on our anniversary.” His voice broke a little on the last word, and he turned his head away to keep from crying. But she didn’t let him hide from her. She gently cupped his jaw in her hand and turned his face back to hers. “You didn’t hurt me, James. And you have nothing to be sorry for.” She leaned up and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

A tear slipped from the corner of his eyes and wound its way down his cheek. Another followed, then another until he was shaking with silent sobs. She climbed into the bed next to him, holding him as carefully as she could. She knew she should move, go back to the chair. But she couldn’t leave him; she needed to hold him as much as he needed to be held.

Because when he started crying…she did too.

-

The nurses never made her move.

She lay in his bed with his arm wrapped around her, her nose pressed to his chest, the entire night.

And when the sun came up, she was looking at him.

S8

She stood by the front door face cold and blank. Her heart cracked a little more as he scoffed, shaking his head in disgust. But she didn’t say anything to stop him- didn’t do anything as he shrugged his jacket on and walked to the door. Her heart stuttered when he paused, hoping, praying he would turn around- _stay_. But that hope died in her chest as he dropped his house key on the table and walked out of the door.

 _It’s for the best. We want different things. It’s for the_ best.

Except no matter how many times she thought it, she couldn’t make herself believe it. But she still didn’t go after him. Not when she heard the car door slam, not when she heard the engine start, not when she saw him drive past the window and out into the darkness.

She turned away from the door and went upstairs. She almost went to his room, like she did every night, but not this time. She couldn’t sleep in his bed without him- it wouldn’t feel right. So she went to her room, instead. The room she hadn’t actually lived in for almost three and a half years. She hadn’t slept in this bed for at least five months- not since his overnight trip to Santa Fe.

Sitting on the edge of the bed she let her mind go to the fight that started all of this…

_‘I just think that maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if we laid low for a while. We’ve got the Feds on us, Camila is back in the picture, and now this Al Sahrad guy is trying to stir up problems, too.’ He shook his head, hand running down his face. ‘I’m just saying if  we take a step back for a minute, let things cool down, we can come back with a stronger footing and a better game plan than reacting to everyone else’s moves.’_

_Teresa watched him, heard what he was saying. But she couldn’t give this up. She had worked too hard, been through too much to back down. And every word out of James’ mouth sounded like surrender to her. ‘Look, if you don’t like how I do things, you don’t have to be here.’ She didn’t know why she said that, but she regretted it the moment the words were out of her mouth. James stiffened in front of her and she watched his face take on that blank expression that meant he was trying to keep his emotions in check. ‘You didn’t work your ass of for this business, the way I did. I get it. But I’m not backing down just because you’re scared.’_

_She was vaguely aware of Pote leaving the room. But her focus was on James even as her mind tried to stop her mouth from moving. ‘Is that what you think? That I’m afraid to do what needs to be done?’_

_She didn’t, not really. James had proven himself time and time again. She knew he could handle this and anything else. But her pride wouldn’t let her say it. It felt like defeat. So she just shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest defiantly. ‘Am I wrong?’_

She should have kept her mouth shut. She should have walked away. Anything would have been better than letting things keep going. And what made it all worse was that he had been right. If they had just taken a few days, a few weeks to sort themselves out they wouldn’t be in this position. Half of their shipments detained by the Feds, Camila manipulating her connections, turning them against her, and her territory would be safe from the Middle Eastern syndicate right now.

But another side of her, a darker side, said that this was always going to happen. That the two of them would end eventually. He wanted out. He wanted to try and live another life- a better life she knew that. She had known for months. But she couldn’t give him that. She wasn’t that type of girl anymore- that had died with Guero. So while he had been looking at all of this as a temporary thing, a step towards the life he really wanted, she had been getting more and more invested in this world, letting it take the softer parts of her, the parts that still dreamed of a family sometimes.

_This explosion was bound to happen. We just…We couldn’t take the heat._

Except she wasn’t sure she really believed that, either.

-

Two months.

She lasted two months before she broke and looked for him. She didn’t have to look far. He had rented an apartment in the city, five blocks from her warehouse.  And she decided it was fate that he was home the day she got the courage to knock on his door.

The tears were falling before the door was open all the way.

“I’m so sorry. James, I’m so sorry.” And then she couldn’t say anything else because he was crushing her to his chest, holding her like he never wanted to let go.  She knew the feeling- it was rushing through her too.

They made their way to his couch, finally pulling apart. Not a lot, just enough to talk and breathe and see each other properly. “Teresa, what happened?” She ducked her head, wishing she could pretend she didn’t know what he meant. But she had pushed him away. And now she was the one who had showed up at his place. She couldn’t hide from his questions.

“I thought I was setting you free.” The words hurt to say, almost as much as the realization that she had been so, so wrong. James didn’t say anything though, just waited for her to explain herself. And she couldn’t not give that to him. “I know you want more than this life. And I know you want that with me.” She watched his face shift, become indecipherable. But he was never indecipherable to her- she knew every part of him like she knew herself. “I didn’t think that I could give you that. And I didn’t want to hold you back. I wanted you to let go of me so you could find that new life with someone who could enjoy it with you.”

“Did I ever ask for more than what we had?” She shook her head. “Did I ever say I wasn’t happy with our life?” Again the answer was no. “Teresa, I want a life with you. Guns and coke, random puppies, or kids and a picket fence. It doesn’t matter as long as it’s with you.” She tilted her head back trying to blink back tears. His hand grabbed on to hers, gently tugging her into his side. He pressed a kiss to her hair as he wrapped his arms around her again. “Next time talk to me before you decide I should be with someone else.”

She nodded against his chest, her arms locking around him.

“Okay.”

-

She fell asleep in his bed.

And when the sun came up….

He was looking at her

S9

They did get out eventually.

When Teresa found out she was pregnant, despite both of them always being more than careful, she saw it as a sign. They had been together for a little over five years when the words pregnant stared up at her. And in that moment she knew that there was no way she could stay in this business.

She wouldn’t let her child grow up the way Isabela Vargas had.

James’ reaction had been unexpected. She had thought he would be happy- and he was- but it was a muted happiness. Reluctant, almost, as if he were afraid to really let the emotion settle in his bones. She understood. It had taken her days to tell him, days spent in a haze of fear and confusion and happiness that was tinged with anxiety. So she understood not knowing if it was okay, yet.

But after a few hours driving he had come back leaned over the sofa and kissed her like the world was ending… or beginning.  “I’m in. No matter what you decide I’ll support you, but… if you want to keep it, I’m in.” She hadn’t stopped smiling the rest of the day. Neither had he.

But that was a more than a year ago. Now Mia was one. She was born on their six year anniversary and Teresa knew it was fate. This little girl was meant to be a part of their lives, and there was no clearer way the universe could tell her. And now looking at her daughter sitting in James’ lap while he fed her birthday cake, Teresa knew, finally, without a doubt, they were out of the woods. They were together, and happy. Their daughter was beautiful and safe. And no matter what came next, they were a family and they would always be family.

She hadn’t always thought she could have this, or even thought she would want it. But she did, she wanted it more than anything. And she was going to hold on tight, with both hands, for as long as she could.

James looked up and caught her eye and she could see all of the love he had for her right there on his face. It still took her breath away, it still made her knees a little weak, and she wouldn’t change it for the world. He mouthed, ‘I love you,’ and she did the same. Then they both turned to their little girl, James’ hand reaching out quickly to keep her frosting covered fingers from getting in her dark curls. “Let’s try to keep the frosting in our mouth, huh my Little Munchkin?” then he gave her a loud smacking kiss on the cheek, smile growing as she shrieked with laughter at the sound.

Taking a seat on Mia’s other side Teresa ran her index finger through the frosting. She waited until James was focused on feeding Mia another little piece, then she swiped the frosting down his nose. The identical looks of confusion on James and Mia’s faces was priceless and her heart sped up at the way her daughter smiled, reaching for her daddy’s frosting covered nose.

The mock glare he sent her way made it impossible to maintain her innocent expression, but the heat in his eyes told her that she would enjoy every single moment of payback he had planned for her.

Yeah, they were out of the woods…

S10

“I remember the first time you kissed me…I thought it would take you longer, but you surprised me. The way you walked up to me, like nothing was different, like you just wanted to talk. The way you slid your arm around my waist, and pulled me in to you. I knew what you were going to do then, but I still held my breath, scared I was reading everything wrong. But I wasn’t. And you kissed me. And it was so soft and sweet I wanted it to go on forever. I wanted us to go on forever. That’s what you promised me remember? I do… I remember.”

-

“I remember that time he was making fun of you, over how much you like to cook.” She watched Pote’s face change, turn worried. She kept going. “He didn’t mean any of the things he said to you, you know. He admired your skill- said a soldier who knew how to cook would stay alive longer. He said it was good strategy for if you ever wanted to poison an enemy too- no one thinks hired guns can make a meal. But it was still funny watching how red your face got when he called you Julia Childs. I don’t know why, but I remember that so vividly.”

-

“I remember the first time we went our separate ways, after Dallas. I was so angry with you, so hurt. It took me months to slow down enough- calm down enough- to try and see it from your side. But then I realized that maybe I hadn’t been as easy to deal with, and innocent in that whole mess as I had thought. I remember missing you even though I didn’t want to. Sometimes even after you met up with us in Malta, I still missed you…”

-

She took off her earrings and placed them in the jewelry box James had bought for her the day before Mia was born. _‘I feel like she’s gonna surprise us tomorrow, so I wanted to give this to you now. Just in case.’_

She unzipped her dress and let it pool around her ankles, she was almost too tired to step out of it, but she did. It used to be her favorite dress, but as she stared at it, crumpled on the floor, she could feel nothing but loathing. She remembered the last time she had worn it.

He had taken it off of her.

She had still loved it then.

She stepped into her closet and grabbed some leggings and an old sweater she had stolen from James years ago. _‘So that’s where it went. I thought I had left it on a job somewhere.’ he’d said. ‘Do you strip a lot when you go on trips without me?’ she’d teased._ She smiled at the memory.

Leaving the closet she headed out of her room, making her way to Mia’s room. She had been fussy for the past week. Teresa didn’t blame her. She hadn’t been able to find her balance recently either. She opened the door and her heart broke.

Curled up on Pote’s lap, was Mia. Her eyes were red from crying and she must have only just cried herself to sleep because her little chest still shuddered with sobs every now and then. She was wrapped up in James’ leather jacket- she hadn’t been able to sleep one night without it since…

She missed her Daddy.

Teresa missed him too.

“Teresita?” She let her eyes go to Pote. She couldn’t stand to see how worried he was for her. She couldn’t stand to see his guilt either. “It was a nice service, no?”

She nodded mutely. It had been a nice service. Small, intimate, just their friends and family- the family they chose, anyway. A few of his military friends had shown up to give her a folded flag. It wasn’t official, but it still meant a lot. Mia had kissed the casket and Teresa had thought the little piece of her heart she had left would shatter when her daughter whispered, _‘Bye-bye, Big Munchkin_.’ She had been his Little Munchkin, since before she was born.

Camila had even sent a flower arrangement.

Teresa had burned it as they left the cemetery.

She walked further into Mia’s room and gently picked up her little girl. She was barely four; she should’ve had more time. _They_ should have had more time. She turned and left the room, keeping James’ jacket securely around Mia’s shoulders. She lay down on James’ bed, the bed she slept in every night. The bed she hadn’t been able to leave the first three days after Pote told her he was gone.

She snuggled up on his side, Mia wrapped tight in her arms. She sprayed his cologne on the pillow before they left for the funeral- the scent of him had started to fade. She hadn’t been ready for it to be gone, hadn’t been ready to let that part of him go too.

She drifted off, her head on his pillow, their daughter in her arms.

And for a second he was with her again.

_‘Are we in the clear, yet?’_

_She couldn’t see his face but she knew he was there- his arms wrapping around both of his girls from behind. She felt him nod against her shoulder._

_A part of her knew it was a dream, but she didn’t care. It felt real._ He _felt real._

_‘Good.’_


End file.
